I've come to realize that I was in shock for all of September. There has been a lot of trial and error in regards to getting our classroom set up and running and I've been focused on that. The other day it just hit me hard how much work I have cut out for me. I have a lot of interesting kids on my caseload. Some have behavior issues, some are extremely low cognitively, others have no language skills whatsoever and it is extremely tiring to work with them for two and half hours because even the simple things can take forever. It's overwhelming to say the least! I wish I could go back to my preschool practicum class and just talk about the issues we have in the classroom together. That was so beneficial and I miss it. It's just scary! Here I've worked so hard to do this thing I love so much, and now here I am and I'm terrified of failing. These parents drop their kids off with me everyday in hopes that I can help them succeed. They are depending on me. Nothing like holding the future lives of children in your hands to stress you out. It's time to pull up my boot straps and really get to work. It wont be easy but as time goes on I know I will improve. I'm really going to have to depend on my Heavenly Father a lot this year! There is no way I can be successful in this without Him being by my side and reminding me of everything I learned during my education and how to put it into practice. That really truly is the only thing comforting me. The creator of these children is on my side. He knows them inside and out and can help me find ways to teach them.
On to the other areas of my life. This weekend I went back up to USU for the Homecoming game. Oh how I love Logan, Utah! It is so gorgeous and truly my second home. As most of you know I had a lot of family trials going on during my four years up there. Because of those trials I became a very different Jessica than I was when I arrived. The events in my family were so traumatic that remembering my life before them is extremely difficult, almost impossible. So in a way I feel like I was raised in Logan, and it will always hold a big place in my heart. Homecoming was great! Nothing like doing the Scotsman with thousands of people. We won which of course was awesome! I hung out with Kenzy for Saturday and Sunday. We went to Lowe's and said hi to all of my coworkers which was a blast. Love my Lowe's family! We went to Kneaders for lunch and our usual Wendy's after the game celebration. Sunday was great and interesting. We attended my old ward and it was great. Fabulous testimonies and lessons, but I kind of had an odd/good experience. While up at school I had numerous spiritual confirmations that I was exactly where Heavenly Father wanted me to be. This weekend that feeling was gone. It was sad, but also comforting. I'm no longer supposed to be at USU, even though I love and miss it so much. That time has come and gone and I am meant to be where I am working with the kids I have. Growing up is interesting.
My dear brother Braden is turning nineteen this month and will be getting his mission call on Wednesday. Sooooooo weird!!! I swear he's still three and we're having picnics in the living room. I'm so excited for him! He will be an amazing missionary and I know that he will bless the lives of others with his testimony. Please pray for him this week and the weeks to follow as he prepares!
That's all for now! Here are some pictures from my weekend! Love- Jess
Kenz and I at the game!
The AWESOME White Out!
Beautiful Sardine Canyon on my way up.
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